Ava Pavlenč

All thing You | Life is a constant process of change. We evolve with time, grow through experiences and beco-me a different version of ourselves at different stages of our lives. However, our identity goes beyond our physical presence. It is not solely something that defines us while we are alive, but it is something we leave behind for people to remember us by.

Twelve years ago, I lost my father. Trying to cope with grief I returned to places he liked to visit, listened to music he enjoyed and sur-rounded myself with things he owned. I realised that whilst my father is physically absent, his identity and who he was is still omnipotent. As a young man, he opened his own gallery where established painters exhibited and sold their work. The gallery was a great success, with the local newspapers often featuring an article about it. He expanded his business and ope-ned a workshop where people could get their paintings framed.

My father spent hours per-fecting his work and once he was happy with the end result, he would stamp his logo on the back of each painting, wanting people to know his work. Our family kept most of the paintings and they are now displayed in our family home. We kept a lot of other things that belonged to my father. The one I always have on me is his gold bracelet, gifted to me by my mother on my eighteenth birthday. It was her way of giving my father’s gift to me, since he could not be there to celebrate the big milestone.

Sometimes it‘s hard to go through big milestones in life without him by my side, to celebrate big moments yet always having an empty chair, a spot where he should be, but isn‘t. Over the years some of the things had to be thrown away, but we kept one despite everyo-ne wanting to get rid of it decades ago: a red armchair that has been moving around with my family for over 25 years. My father insisted on keeping it because ‘it‘s still good enough’ even though we didn‘t need it anymore.

Twelve years after my father’s passing, we still have that same armchair. Maybe it‘s because we‘re still not ready to let go of certain things that remind us of our lives before he was gone.

To reconnect to the past and somehow feel closer to my father I often go through family pictures to remind myself of a moment in time I had forgotten or was too young to remember. There are many photos of me cuddling up to my father and although I don‘t remember the exact moment the picture was taken I still re-member the comfort and safety of his embra-ce. I have one of those pictures tattooed on my arm, to commemorate my father and to never forget the precious moments we shared. Loo-king through these archives I often rediscover who he was. Not only as a father but also as a friend, as a business man and as a husband.

Just like my father, we will leave behind a small mark in this big world and so long as our sto-ries are told, the memory of us will stay alive. Even after we are gone our identity remains constant. www.avapavlenc.com